by Nate the Great

Narrator: And Skaara is on the run! He dodges to the left, a Goa'uld blast narrowly missing his ship! He's going, going...
Skaara: Ouch!
Narrator: He's gone!

Stargate: Whoosh!
Schroedinger the Cat: Meow.
Narim: Hi there. You have been summoned to be lawyers.
O'Neill: I'm a soldier, not a lawyer!
Teal'c: Indeed.

Carter: You built a Stargate! Cool!
Narim: It's not that hard. You can buy most of the parts online.

O'Neill: How come my gun just shrieked in pain?
Narim: Our ultacool wall gizmos can turn them off.
O'Neill: And you didn't tell me this because...?
Narim: I wanted to know what a gun scream sounded like.
Teal'c: Indeed.

Narim: Our ultracool chest gizmo can tell us whether the Goa'uld or the host is speaking. Now I know what you're thinking...
O'Neill: You say ultracool too much.
Teal'c: Indeed.

Narim: Jack and Daniel will represent Skaara. Klorel will be represented by Zipacna.
O'Neill: Hey, Zippy, how's it hangin'?
Zipacna: Fine. I'm not hiding an evil plot, by the way.
Carter: Now that sounds suspicious.
Zipacna: Now why would you say that?

Lya: Hi there! As a representative of the Nox, I will be the impartial third party.
Daniel: Um, you like us, you don't like Goa'ulds. You are impartial because...?
Lya: The creators wanted to recycle these cool hair leaves.
Daniel: Oh.

Zipacna: We own all humans, therefore Klorel should win.
Daniel: Humans are not cattle, so Skaara should win.
O'Neill: I'm the star of the show, so I should win.
Zipacna: We are about to enslave this world, so we should win.
Travell: Huh?
Zipacna: Um, forget I said that.

Zipacna: The host never survives.
Daniel: So who is talking with the speaker tag "Skaara?"
Zipacna: Klorel can do a great Skaara. He does parties, by the way.
Daniel: What about that chest thing?
Zipacna: A few light bulbs in a plastic case. What did you think it was?

Narim: Date me.
Carter: Um, no. I have to sort out my feelings from Jolinar's before I can commit to a serious relationship.
Narim: You like me, Jolinar never met me. Where is the controversy?
Carter: Umm... err... Didn't I just hear Jack calling?
Narim: No. Answer the question!

O'Neill: The Goa'uld plan to destroy all of your cannons at once.
Travell: That could never happen!
O'Neill: I thought you'd say that. I am really looking forward to saying "I told you so."

Teal'c: I need your help.
Lya: With what?
Teal'c: First I need you to hide a cannon, and second, I want the number of your hairdresser!

Zipacna: If you vote for Klorel, both survive. If you vote for Skaara, only one survives.
Daniel: Not necessarily.
Zipacna: I know, but I read the lines I'm given.

Travell: A Goa'uld ship approaches. We will destroy it.
Zipacna: It just came to take us home.
O'Neill: And you can't take the Stargate because...?
Zipacna: Umm, can I get back to you on that?

Lya: To break the tie, I vote for Skaara.
Zipacna: I thought as much, now you die!
O'Neill: They destroyed the cannons. I told you so.
Teal'c: It's a good thing Lya hid one. Fire!
Cannon: Zap!
Mothership: Kablazmo!

O'Neill: Even though we saved your butts, we're not going to get anything, are we?
Travell: No.
O'Neill: I thought as much.
Teal'c: Indeed.


THE END